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A curation of our favourite resources, experts, experiences and events for personal growth — no gatekeeping here.
The 3 Things You're Trying to Avoid — That Are Actually Blocking Your Potential
True and False Magic, a masterpiece by Phil Stutz
Hey, it’s Jacqui here! Over the weekend I read a phenomenal book called 'True and False Magic' by Phil Stutz — a world-renowned psychiatrist who specialises in offering unconventional “tools” to help navigate the human condition.
One of those tools is a framework that really stayed with me, because it’s so relevant to the many career conversations I’ve been having with people lately — particularly those feeling misaligned.
Stutz suggests that most of us are held back from fulfilling our potential because we’re doing everything we can to avoid three unavoidable things in life:
1. Pain
2. Uncertainty
3. The need for constant work
If you think about something you feel called to do — something that tugs at you, but that you haven’t yet acted on — chances are, you’re avoiding it because you’re trying to dodge at least one of these.
1. Pain
Anything outside our comfort zone is, by definition, uncomfortable. But discomfort is the phase before achievement. Whether it’s showing up on social media more, pivoting careers with a pay cut, or having the tough conversation — the pain of stepping forward is the cost of growth.
Stutz calls this “eating the death cookie” — choosing to embrace discomfort in order to let go of an old version of yourself, and re-birth a more capable one.
2. Uncertainty
We often want certainty before we commit: proof that the decision is right, that it’ll work, that we won’t fail. But certainty doesn’t come first — it comes after you take the leap.
Intuition often doesn’t feel rational or predictable, which is why we tend to outsource decisions — to AI, mentors, horoscopes, psychics — anything that gives us a sense of confirmation. But following intuition means stepping into the unknown, and trusting that you’ll build the path as you go. Faith is the antidote to uncertainty.
3. The Need for Constant Work
Most people don’t talk about how unrelenting real transformation is. There is no shortcut, no single moment of breakthrough that takes the place of doing the real work. Whether you’re building something new, reinventing yourself, or choosing a different path — the work doesn’t stop. And that’s the point. We search for ease, but ease doesn’t build anything. Consistent, often thankless effort is the magic.
And so here’s the real question:
Which of the three unavoidables are you trying to avoid right now, that are preventing you from fulfilling your potential?
Is it pain? Uncertainty? The need for constant work?
Because these are the things designed to keep you trapped in your comfort zone. But the opportunities waiting on the other side are infinite. And the irony is that we will be experiencing all three, whilst we are trying to avoid all three. So it’s actually all just an illusion — which is why no matter what we do — they’re the three unavoidables of life.
This share is just the tip of the iceberg of this incredible book — I highly recommend the read.
“Stutz calls this “eating the death cookie” — choosing to embrace discomfort in order to let go of an old version of yourself, and re-birth a more capable one.”
Major Personal and Professional Development Voices Coming to London This Summer
If personal growth, leadership, and mental wellbeing are part of your journey this year — London is the place to be. Some of the world’s most respected voices in self-development, psychology, relationships and trauma healing are bringing their insights to the UK.
Here’s when, where and how you can see them:
Gabor Mate:
A globally renowned speaker and author, Dr. Maté offers a compassionate and research-driven approach to topics like stress, addiction, trauma, and childhood development.
Known for going far deeper than surface-level solutions, his work empowers individuals to understand their own healing and that of others.
Where to see him live:
‘Trauma, Illness and Healing in a Toxic Culture’
1st October 2025
Eventim Apollo London
Bessel Van Der Kolk, Esther Perel and Gabor Mate:
Dr. Bessel van der Kolk — Author of The Body Keeps the Score, one of the most influential books on trauma ever written. Dr. van der Kolk has spent his career exploring how traumatic experiences shape us — and how science-backed therapies can support recovery and resilience.
Esther Perel — A world-renowned psychotherapist and bestselling author, celebrated for her groundbreaking work on modern relationships and intimacy. A dynamic speaker and host of the acclaimed podcast "Where Should We Begin?", she bridges the worlds of therapy and business with insight, warmth, and wit.
Where to see them live:
‘Healing Our Relational World’ (Masters Event)
28th-30th September 2025
In person (Oxford, UK, multiple venues) and online option available
Don’t forget to look at ticket resale sites like Viagogo if you can’t find the tickets you want through the direct websites.
Mel Robbins — ‘Let Them’ tour in London.
This month we had the opportunity to experience Mel Robbins' Let Them tour in London.
Here’s an overview of the core messages of the evening:
— The concept of Let Them is about letting go of control. Instead of spending our energy trying to fix, change, or manage other people, she encouraged us to accept others as they are — and focus instead on how we choose to live, respond, and protect our peace. It’s about setting boundaries based on reality, not potential, and reclaiming our freedom to live intentionally.
— The evening centred around the theme: “This Is The Year I…” a reminder of the power of goal-setting and focused intention — and that whilst it’s a simple and familiar concept, so many people do not set goals, hold a long-term vision for their lives, or take purposeful action each day in an intentional direction.
— In a world full of distractions, we’re often unknowingly draining our time and energy on two major things: other people vying for our attention, and our phones. Mel challenged us to be more conscious about who and what has access to our attention — reinforcing that if we don't guard it, the world will consume it for us.
— With so much happening in the world right now, Mel reflected on how it's easy to believe that a bad few months (or even years) means you’re headed for a bad life — but that’s simply not true. It was a reminder to zoom out, maintain perspective, and remember that life is long if we're lucky. There’s still so much we can build, create, and experience in the time ahead - we have just got to start.
— We often overthink ourselves into procrastination, self-doubt, and delay — and her simple 5 Second Rule (count down from 5 and take action) can snap us out of hesitation and into action. She believes that motivation is complete nonsense and that the only way to build motivation is to take action.
The messaging was extremely simple and basic, but I suppose that was her ultimate point — it’s not that complicated, no one is coming, and we have to create the life and career we want for ourselves or it will never happen. It all starts by setting goals, taking action and prioritising ourselves.
'Let Them' is on track to become the most successful Self Help book of all time, and Mel currently has the No.1 podcast in the world.
On Our Best Behaviour: The Seven Deadly Sins and The Price Women Pay to Be Good — Elise Loehnen’s Salve for the Soul
If you are an avid fan of Goop like us, you will likely be very familiar with the talents of Elise Loehnen. Loehnen was Gwenyth Paltrow’s right hand woman in building the Goop empire, and she became even more familiar as the host of the Goop podcast, and a key person in the Goop Netflix series.
Since leaving Goop, she has launched her own podcast ‘Pulling the Thread’ (highly recommend) and has also made her debut as an author of her first book. Although it’s worth noting that Loehnen is no stranger to the literary world, having worked as a ghost writer for many successful books already.
In this book, Loehnen challenges the old and outdated societal pressures and standards placed on women in today’s society. She draws synergies between the archaic Seven Deadly Sins, and how they still somehow dictate the way a woman must behave in society, if they want to be perceived as ‘good’. Shattering this unfair and patriarchal paradigm, Elise reminds us that these sins may indeed be exactly what we need to embrace, if we are to thrive — reframing each one as a positive call for realignment within each of us, if we are to be truly good for ourselves.
SLOTH: Believing Sloth to be sinful, we deny ourselves rest.
ENVY: Believing Envy to be sinful, we deny our own wanting
PRIDE: Believing pride to be sinful, we deny our own talents
GLUTTONY: Believing gluttony to be sinful, we deny our own hunger
GREED: Believing Greed to be sinful, we deny our own security
LUST: Believing lust to be sinful, we deny our own pleasure
ANGER: Believing anger to be sinful, we deny our own needs
+ SADNESS: Believing sadness to be sinful, we deny our own feelings
Intelligently and honestly written, and full of personal anecdotes which are sure to strike resonance with many people — we highly recommend.
The Power of Regret — Modern Day FOMO by
Dan Pink
“Regret is one of the heaviest emotions to carry as a human - we must learn self-compassion for ourselves, and compassion for others. Everyone makes mistakes.”
Recently we had the privilege of listening to best-selling author Dan Pink speak at the Dean Street Townhouse about his new book ‘The Power of Regret.’
Since then the boon team have read his book, so we thought we’d share our four biggest take-aways — and perhaps encourage you to read the book too!
1. Regrets can only be self-accountable; they are the result of our own actions, choices and behaviours. If someone else has done something regrettable to us — we can only be disappointed, we can’t be regretful. Regret is one of the heaviest emotions to carry as a human — we must learn self-compassion for ourselves, and compassion for others. Everyone makes mistakes.
2. After collating the regrets of over 16,000 people, Dan Pink discovered that our regrets fell into four key categories:
a) Foundation Regrets: The regrets we might have about taking or not taking action on areas that affect the very foundations of our lives today; namely around education/career, finances and health.
Sounds like: “If only I’d done the work”
The human need it reveals in us: Stability
b) Boldness Regrets: Regretting the actions we didn’t take; we weren’t bold enough to go after what really mattered to us.
Sounds like: “If only I’d taken the risk”
The human need it reveals in us: Growth
c) Moral Regrets: Acting out of alignment with our values and not being the good person we wanted to be.
Sounds like: “If only I’d done the right thing”
The human need it reveals in us: Goodness
d) Connection regrets: Fractured or unrealised relationships, friendships, partnerships or family ties.
Sounds like: “If only I’d reached out”
The human need it reveals in us: Love
3. We are far more likely to regret the things we didn’t do (missed opportunities), than the things we did do — and the statistics of regretting inaction only gets larger the older we get. We regret not living up to our own expectations of ourselves more than anything else.
4. The way forward:
Regrets make us feel worse today so that we can do better tomorrow.
They are encouraging us to have a bias for action in those areas of our lives today.
Anticipating regret can be a useful strategy in making better decisions today.
Rocket ship yourself into the future (5 / 10 years time) — will you regret your inaction today in any of the big four areas of your life? (foundation, boldness, moral, connection)
What action can you take today to ensure this does not happen?