True and False Magic  by Phil Stutz — a world-renowned psychiatrist who specialises in offering unconventional “tools” to help people navigate the human condition — is a phenomenal book that we have recommended to countless people, who have then also recommended it to countless people.

One of the tools that really stayed with me is a framework that’s highly relevant to the many life and career conversations I’ve been having with people lately — particularly those feeling misaligned.

Stutz suggests that most of us are held back from fulfilling our potential because we’re doing everything we can to avoid three unavoidable things in life:
1. Pain
2. Uncertainty
3. The need for constant work

If you think about something you feel called to do — something that tugs at you, but that you haven’t yet acted on — chances are, you’re avoiding it because you’re trying to dodge at least one of these.

1. Pain
Anything outside our comfort zone is, by definition, uncomfortable. But discomfort is the phase before achievement. Whether it’s showing up on social media more, pivoting careers with a pay cut, or having the tough conversation — the pain of stepping forward is the cost of growth. Stutz calls this “eating the death cookie” — choosing to embrace discomfort in order to let go of an old version of yourself, and re-birth a more capable one.

2. Uncertainty
We often want certainty before we commit: proof that the decision is right, that it’ll work, that we won’t fail. But certainty doesn’t come first — it comes after you take the leap. Intuition often doesn’t feel rational or predictable, which is why we tend to outsource decisions — to AI, mentors, horoscopes, psychics — anything that gives us a sense of confirmation. But following intuition means stepping into the unknown, and trusting that you’ll build the path as you go. Faith is the antidote to uncertainty.

3. The Need for Constant Work
Most people don’t talk about how unrelenting real transformation is. There is no shortcut, no single moment of breakthrough that takes the place of doing the real work. Whether you’re building something new, reinventing yourself, or choosing a different path — the work doesn’t stop. And that’s the point. We search for ease, but ease doesn’t build anything. Consistent, often thankless effort is the magic.

And so here’s the real question:

Which of the three unavoidables are you trying to avoid right now, that are preventing you from fulfilling your potential?
Is it pain? Uncertainty? The need for constant work?

Because these are the things designed to keep you trapped in your comfort zone. But the opportunities waiting on the other side are infinite. And the irony is that we will be experiencing all three, whilst we are trying to avoid all three. So it’s actually all just an illusion — which is why no matter what we do — they’re the three unavoidables of life.

This share is just the tip of the iceberg of this incredible book — I highly recommend the read.

Jacqui x