When I first saw the title of Mattering, I thought: how can someone write an entire book on mattering without just stating the obvious? Turns out it’s far more interesting than it first appears.

We all suffer from pain — both as individuals and as a culture — and much of that pain comes from feeling like we don’t matter. That our work doesn’t matter, our efforts don’t matter, our voice doesn’t matter, what we want or need doesn’t matter — the list is endless.

The idea of mattering has been studied since the 1980s, but Jennifer Breheny Wallace has done a brilliant job of packaging up the research in a way that really resonates.

What I found most interesting is how directly this links to the disengagement crisis in the workplace — with Gallup estimating that 79% of employees are either passive or disengaged.

A great framework from the book is the “SAID” acronym. To believe we matter, we need to feel:

S — Significant and important
A — Appreciated
I — Invested in
D — Depended on

Sound familiar? These are the exact themes that show up in exit interviews and honest conversations over coffee when people are struggling at work.

Disengagement is often a protective mechanism — we disengage because it’s too painful to feel like we don’t matter.

We all have an inherent need to feel that we matter. So how can we create that for ourselves and others?

Significant and Important:
Celebrate the big moments — but notice the small, everyday ones too.
Pay attention to people’s wellbeing and what’s going on for them.
Notice what people like and dislike, and bring more of what they like into their world.
Notice the doer and the deed — explain why something mattered, not just that it did.

Appreciated:
Close the loop. So many people never see the outcome of their efforts — and it’s on us to change that. Share feedback, pass things on, and let people know the impact they’ve had.

Invested in:
Cheer people on and support them in their goals, endeavours, and setbacks.
People need to feel that others are invested in them.

Depended on:
This is about balance. We need to feel relied on and needed — but not to the point that we can't prioritise ourselves.
Let people know you rely on them. “If it weren’t for you, I…”

People show up differently when they feel like they matter — they show up to contribute. When they don’t, they retreat.

If you’re feeling like you don’t matter, get specific — what aspect of your mattering has taken a hit?

Am I feeling unseen?
(A loss of recognition)

Am I missing the feeling that others depend on me?
(A loss of reliance)

Do I feel like I’m not a priority to my boss, colleagues, friends, or family?
(A loss of importance)

Has my sense of being understood and deeply connected been shaken?
(A loss of attunement)

Do I feel like no one is invested in me — or that I’m not invested in anyone else?
(A loss of ego extension)

Start with the root cause to find a solution.

Super interesting read — highly recommend.

Jacqui x